I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
