I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
