So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
