I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
