i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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