I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
