Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
