dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
