seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
