When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
