Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
