I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
