this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
