if only i could text you this smell
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
