If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
