VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
