I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
