Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
