Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
