Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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