Just fell off a train. Bad.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize