I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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