omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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