I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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