So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
