At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
