i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize