whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh god the rape fog is back!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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