The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
soo... how was my night?
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