im six kinds of drunk right now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
