You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
