I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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