What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
