Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize