Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
