Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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