I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
