She went from zero to smokin in five shots
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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