I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
