Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
