it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize