the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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