so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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