apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
