omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You work out of a Hotel?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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