Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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