chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
