I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
