Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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