Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize