Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
