Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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