Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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