I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
