you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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