he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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