So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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