The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
