Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
