absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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