I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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