omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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