i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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