If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
