my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
