I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
