remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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