I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
