i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
