I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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