two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
