Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize