Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
