I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
