Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize